1) A really ranty one about an anonymous-ish email I got from someone who saw fit to tell me that I write less about The Boy than I do about my daughters and thus I obviously love him less.
...
He has ASKED me not to write about him, OKAY? I mean, he finds me embarrassing enough and the very idea that I might write things about him for strangers to read bothers him for some mysterious reason.
Why am I not writing this post?
Phhph. Who cares what some anonymous stranger thinks?
2) A parody of Gwynth Paltrow's GOOP newsletters.
Urge. To. Mock. Overwhelming. Me.
Why am I not writing this post?
Oh, vague "I'm trying to be a kind person" sort of reasons. Meanwhile, I anxiously await her emails every week and read my husband choice selections: miracle diets that make you hallucinate! William Joel!
3) Video games and the mid-30s ladies who luv them.
I think video game designers went along for a long time not being quite sure about how to design video games that appealed to the feminine gaming crowd - I mean, slap a bow on her head all you want, but I STILL do not want to play Ms. Pac Man. They sure have figured it out NOW, though. THE SIMS! HARVEST MOON! ANIMAL CROSSING!
Why am I not writing this post?
I am pretending that my identity as a big dork is still a secret.
4) A post about my husband's in-the-works blog and how TOTALLY excited I am about it.
Why am I not writing this post?
Mainly because it's vaguely pathetic. I mean, I've been married to the man for NEARLY 11 YEARS. We've been in some sort of relationship or another for... whoa, 19 years. What goes on in his head should not be that big of a mystery to me, and yet I KNOW that every post he writes will be completely scrutinized by me for hidden meaning and depths.
So of course the poor man keeps working on his borders and headers and stuff. Who can blame him?
5) A post about how things are fine and there's nothing wrong but I just don't feel like writing these days, really.
Why am I not writing this post?
Who wants to write about not writing?
Anyhoo. So that's it. How are YOU doing these days? Tell me what you're up to in your lovely summer - or winter, should you be Australian - weather.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
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40 comments:
clever post.
I would read all of those posts eagerly.
Lainey's way ahead of you in the GOOP department. Do you know her? One of BC's best. Next to BC' OTHER best, I guess I should add.
I just had my niece leave a comment about one of my posts, wherein I mock (gently) a gift her mother gave me last Christmas. Now I'm wondering if it will mean Familial Banishing (and if I care). I will ask my husband and decide after he tells me what to do, I've decided. I'm not objective enough, obviously.
I think I almost prefer hearing what you don't write about these things!
Winter. It's blimmin cold! But that's okay, I like cold, and there have been sporadic sunny days, which make me happy - life should be cold and sunny always.
What's GOOP?
And my big dork identity is not a secret, sadly.
I have only one child. If... er... I mean when... the Tongginator asks me to stop writing about her, my blog shall die a quick death.
I had an anonymous emailer mad at me because I wrote about my dogs instead of my kids. My kids have editorial privileges; the dogs don't.
I had someone else accuse me of being some sort of bad homeschooling mom because I rarely ever mentioned our home school. Truthfully? I thought it was a matter of respecting my son's PRIVACY.
Someone else told me I shouldn't 'flaunt' my theological persuasions (which I took exception to because they are not theological 'persuasions' they are CONVICTIONS.
You can't please everyone and some people will never be pleased.
On the other hand, your blog pleases me very much, indeed.
I love your posts where you write about what you're not going to write about - they are the best!! :)
I think you should totally write the video game one--because I am SO glad I am not the only grown woman with kids who has spent WAY TOO MANY hours playing both Harvest Moon AND Animal Crossing. And if I wasn't horribly stuck because I made a stupid mistake and missed a fish that I had to catch in Spring and now am in Wonter trying to wait it out so I can finish that stupid quest and beat Harvest Moon I would SO be playing it right now. Stupid game.
someone actually emailed you to say you were writing less about your boy?!?! that's crazy.
I'm in NY but it does not feel like summer here . . . more like a very early fall in which we skipped summer altogether :(
Please, write GOOP parody. It is important to me.
So I'm home with my kids for the summer. Taking one to and from summer school. Trying to get the other to hold a writing utensil for a few minutes a day. Logging numerous playground hours. In between I've been enjoying extra summer computer time and have been miffed to realize that NO ONE is writing lately! I'm glad to know all is well - we are all fine here too, thanks for asking. :0)
Well, at "someone's" suggestion, I have checked out Bill Bryson's Neither Here Nor There from the library. :)
That, and eating food every hour and a half to keep from feeling sick.
We've got a few Wii games that I really enjoy playing. Plus, I'm a total GUITAR HERO!
I'd love the Paltrow post. Be mean, Beck, be mean! ; )
A blog by Mr. Beck? Cool!
Wait, isn't Harvest Moon a Neil Young song? I know none of the games of which you speak. Except for Animal Crossing because you explicitly told me about it one time.
What's new here? Rain in the forecast today through the end of the weekend! Not sangria weather, sadly.
Everything is fine here too ... and yet I don't feel like writing either.
Hot! It's hot! So hot that I had iced tea for breakfast instead of coffee. And I liked it.
It's finally warm. I'm enjoying every last second of it. Hiking, biking, kiddie pools, bubbles, picnics, zoo trips, picnics, cramming every minute of good weather in!
I personally don't think you write enough about your feet. Poor neglected feet. You mustn't love them at all.
And THAT is why I don't give out my email address much. It's not that I would be so terribly upset at an anonymous email; it's because I get a devilish satisfaction out of the thought that there is a judgmental person out there chewing on her fingernails, frustrated that she can't find that extra-anonymous way to bash me and run away. Ha-ha!
WAIT? What? You have a son? I did not know that!?
I can not quite shake the feeling that Gwynnie's having us all on for a laugh. Like late at night she and Chris Martin light up a joint and write the updates and piss themselves laughing at the gullibility of the public. I can't decide if this scenario is more or less insulting than if Goop is on the level.
As for me: I'm hiding inside most days. Hoping that the mosquitos and blackflies and horseflies and midges and deerflies don't figure out how to jimmy open the door, storm the house and suck the last few remaining drops of blood from my anemically pale body.
How can you NOT mock GOOP? I mean really?.... :P
I wow. Seriously someone had the nerve to say that to you...
I wow. Seriously someone had the nerve to say that to you...
I was reading another blog today where a reader accused the blogger of loving her daughters more than her son because she wrote about them more.
What's up with these people? It's crazy! And dang rude, too.
"/
Here is where I'm really wishing I could track down a video for you that my brothers once showed me -- it's a Nintendo bigwig at a gaming conference, (he's Japanese and the video has subtitles) and I think it was from around the time the Wii was being developed, (he was one of the main developers) and he talks about the "wife test," meaning that he'd been able to break into the female gaming market by paying attention to his wife's gaming likes and dislikes. It's quite charming. (And I really did try to find it for you on YouTube. Because I'm a huge dork.)
I gave up on Animal Crossing after we bought a house and the whole real time thing and the types of tasks you do were way too much like real life, but before that I'd used a cheat my brothers taught me (a time-travel between towns turnip speculation cheat) to build maximum-sized homes for my entire family, none of whom ever visited. A few years later my daughter took an interest in the game, and when she was striving to pay off her stage one cottage, I was able to say, "Oh, honey, you don't have to live in that little dump -- come to my town and I have a MANSION all ready for you. And the complete set of Lovely furniture." Of course, by then the weeds had taken over, but she was still thrilled.
(I hope you meant that about your being a dork or what I've just written will be complete gobbledygook.)
Wah. I like Mrs. PacMan. :(
#5 is me these days. Just enjoying summmer....
oh come on, mock GOOP! PLEASE!!!!
Just imagine what people think about me - I've had some readers think Ivy was my only child LOL. There comes a time you can't write about certain ones... and I got an email from someone critiquing something I TWITTERED. The nerve of some people.
Steph
Excellent possible posts!
We are doing a lot of swimming, swim team, college, and volunteering. It is so miserably hot here, though. UGH! The outdoor non-heated pool water is already in the 90s.
Never heard of those newsletters. Must go investigate.
I'd be totally chomping at the bit, too, if my husband were going to start a blog.
Even when you just write about what you're not writing about, I still think you're one of the best not-writers I've ever read.
xoxox
m
I want to know how on earth people are supposed to take a newsletter named "GOOP" seriously.
I would eagerly read a blog post explaining that particular issue.
Raining. It's been raining for eleven weeks.
Doncha just love those anonymous emailers who are so full of great advice? I normally get back to them right away and give them permission to not read my blog any more.
I'm lying around whining a lot, telling Lambchop to stop kicking me and just get out already!
Fun last days... sigh.
Hi! How are you?
Since you asked, I'm having a GREAT summer. I quit a job I hated (which was keeping me from blogging!) have started a new one which I can do from home, good things are on the horizon.
Sadly, I do not think I will ever get into video games. I've tried, but they just don't do it for me, I guess!
So sorry about that anonymous-ish letter. Ugh!
With you on the video games... I haven't tried Harvest Moon yet, but it's calling to me from the store shelves.
I'd read any of these. But for your sanity, I say skip the first one because seriously, blah on that person. They just don't need your energy because that's SO RIDICULOUS TO SAY.
Beth - Total Mom Haircut
An anonymous person wrote you about the Boy? STrange!!!!
I just wrote a post about what I'm doing this summer so far (which is not blogging so much, haha.)
I know, things are good here, too, and...
I don't feel like writing either. Which has me worried. I never thought I'd run out of words!!
Can't wait to hear from Mr. Beck.
it's all the fault of the Wii.....
incidentally, the day this post was written, i would've been in the first stages of both shock and recovery from giving birth. now, three weeks later, i'm catching up on blog-reading, whilst still in shock and recovering from childbirth....and typing one-handed because i'm nursing.....
forgive me for being so absent. i've missed your blog.
how is The Girl doing with her room change?
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