Thursday, May 21, 2009
My post for today
This gutted me to write, so WARNING, it's not a happy post. I think - well, I hope - that it's a good one, and worth reading. I hope.
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- Beck
- I'm a stay-at-home mom who likes to write! I know! I'm a delicate, unique snowflake!
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7 comments:
I'm duly gutted. Beautiful, Beck and true.
I was in Littleton for Columbine. It makes a difference when it is in your own community. I have often pondered on this same thing--why the grief for these strangers? But, I think it is b/c it is the death of innocence. It is the bursting of that bubble around us that makes us feel that we are in control, that the world is good as long as we are good. And then something happens to prove it isn't true--and then anything could happen. Anything at all.
Events like this burst the bubble of belief that we are in control. And no one likes that feeling. Beautifully written, Beck, but oh-so-sad.
I agree that grieving for strangers can be a way of warding off the evil from our own doorsteps, but I hope it is more than that. A mother's heart will always hold empathy for others who trod her path, and I hope that this urge to protect and mourn our young will always be universal.
And yes, it does make a difference when it happens close to home. Both in the feeling of vulnerability and in the flood of compassion.
I'm sorry your community has experienced such a loss. No doubt other mothers, like you, will feel even more grateful (and vulnerable) from here on out.
My 7yo son has been melancholy lately, saying things like There's nothing good in my life with a giant sigh. My temptation is always to shout YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GREAT YOU HAVE IT! which is true -- but, you know, I think he's reached an age where he understands that bad things happen, that other kids are bullies and nothing can be done about it, that adults aren't infallible. I can remind him that there's plenty of good things in his life -- but the presence of good things doesn't erase the presence of bad things.
That's what your posted tapped into, for me.
I will always remember September 11th like that---it was such a gorgeous day and my first baby was only 9 months old. I had, for some reason, decided to keep the TV and radio off all morning. We went for a walk together, came home and puttered around and had no idea what hell was unleashed on NYC & other parts. It wasn't until 10:30, when my husband called from work, that I found out.
I think that kind of horror, as well as the horror of hearing about the death of a child, is the loss of innocence I feel and the sorrow I feel for those left behind---the act is done, fini, and life marches on. And, I do comfort those strangers online who I hear have had to suffer a horror like the death of a child because I think that they should know how many people are affected.
It was just beautiful. Really.
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