I just received a very, very gracious email from one of the companies that I wrote about on my O-list post this year and now I feel like a great big jerk. The company - Carved Solutions - is a small family business, which is exactly the sort of thing that I like supporting and in these hard times, small businesses don't need jerky, mean-spirited bloggers making things any harder. I'm sorry.

Almost Christmas

It's almost time for me to bid a not-so-fond adieu to my depressing November blog colour scheme and header - Advent starts tomorrow! Hooray!

My church - a mainstream liberal Protestant one - has always been (as far as I know.) an Advent-celebrating church, so for me, it's very easy to say when the pre-Christmas season starts, which is of course four Sundays before Christmas. I had some visitors over this past week - during a brief interlude between health emergencies - and one of them said that she was surprised that my house wasn't super Christmasy yet. (although my husband DID dig out the giant stuffed snowmen to loll about the living room because of the children's very effective begging, and then he also gave in and got the giant stuffed Santa, because "Santa looked lonely." Okaaaay.)

As much as I like celebrating things - probably more than anyone - I also like celebrating things in their time. And today is not quite time for Christmas yet. Not quite. Tomorrow.

And as much as I like modern life, I don't think that the people who came before us were stupid. I think that the old rhythms of the year had a reason, something deeply soul-satisfying and something that has not been replaced in any satisfactory way now. As nice as it is to have strawberries in February, there is something better and deeper than nice in the ancient patterns, in knowing what the year means.

A friend of my husband once told my husband a very strange story - an old landlord of his had told him that during World War II in Britain, an elderly tenant of his had given him a very, very old clock as rent one month, telling him that it didn't work, had never worked for his whole life, as far as he knew. So the old landlord opened the clock up to have a look at the works, and found out that there was a coin jammed into the works. He carefully removed it and the clock - which was very, very old indeed - was set back to working, although it was destroyed (along with the elderly tenant who gave it to him) a few months later during some bombing. The coin that had been found made it through the war just fine, though, and was later given to my husband's friend, who then passed it on to my husband.

The coin is nearly two thousand years old.

It is from the very end of the Roman Empire, crudely made and worth very, very little and I held it in my hands for a little while before writing this, this little ancient thing which made its way to England and then to Canada and then to here. It boggles my mind to think about what this little coin has survived - the wars and plagues and rises and falls and disasters, this record of the horrors of humanity. And then there is the vast span of time between this coin's minting and me, the seasons starting and ending and the years coming and going, vast numbers of unknown ancestors living their happy or sad lives, and below all that, the deep unchanging love of God.

Things will be made and things will be destroyed. I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.

Tomorrow is the first Sunday of Advent. Our decorations will go up and the Really Christmasy music will fill the house, chasing out the grimness of the end of November and at nightfall, the kids can stand on the porch in their pajamas and hold lit sparklers, which will glitter and flame, this brave light that will last for a minute in the dark and then be gone.

If This Is Thursday, I Must Feel Kind Of Icky

I left everyone dangling after Tuesday's grim post, but things are okay around here. The Baby is feeling fine right now, although The Girl and I have the stomach flu*. Hooray!

*aren't you glad that your husband took the day off work, B?

And that is your Beck Household Health Update. Further Updates May Be Forthcoming.

As for what we're going to do with The Baby and her chronic health stuff - we just don't know right now. We'll figure it out. Thanks so much to everyone who has emailed me over the past couple of days and for all of your kindness. Anyhow. I have a much better post up at Five Minutes for Mom today, which you should go read. See you there.

The Baby and I just had a really, really harrowing morning. She has some health problems that I don't write about - because they're private and I don't want her to ever feel betrayed by me - and this morning was bad. Like, nearly-phoning-an-ambulance BAD.

And now she's sitting in the living room, reading The Christmas Catalog and singing "I Had A Little Rooster" and is perfectly content. I can't imagine - after a morning of her screaming in pain - how I can possibly put her in school next September. I just can't.

My heart is sore right now.

Guess what tomorrow is?

... and why am I making taffy today? Okay, tomorrow is St. Catherine's Day. I'm not good at suspense. I've written more about it at the Kitchen Party, and now I'm off to make taffy with my girls. xo
(oh, and I've been nominated for best family blog at the Canadian blog awards! Hooray!)

I haven't been around to visit anyone for much of this week - so no, it's not just you - because I've been suddenly very, very busy during the day. There's nothing at all dire going on, but I am all at once unusually frenzied and I am just exhausted today.


For one, I am compiling the church Christmas newsletter. If you want to know all about the Christmas Bazaar OR LACK THEREOF, or the dates for the Advent services, I am apparently your gal. Also, there's a potluck lunch in two Sundays; bring something for the food bank. Here is some Christmas-y clip art for you, while I'm at it:

I've also been putting together a list of the Canadian Christmas tv listings again this year, which is mostly for my own benefit since Christmas specials are possibly my favorite things to watch ever. I should maybe have my own Christmas special, although probably not since I can't sing and the camera would come in to find me all startled and in my pajamas. Then we could go to my special guest (i.e. my youngest brother, watching tv from my couch.) and The Baby screaming because the icicle that she brought in from outside is MELTING, OH THE INHUMANITY.

I don't know why it's called that

Today's post is at 5 Minutes for Parenting, and it's about - in part - my dandy bout of post-partum depression after the birth of my first child and also about all of the families that are breaking up in my town. See you there.

Beck's Christmas Gift List

I find the idea of me making a gift suggestion list - like all of our favorite women's magazines! - kind of funny, since I'm not exactly renowned for giving good presents. I'm okay with my kids, since they tell me long in advance what they'd like, and I'm okay with my immediate family - I buy them books. But everyone else? Phh, I'm a-sea.

AND! Last year when I made another gift suggestion list, several members of my gift giving list read it and knew what I was giving them, which must have somewhat lessened the surprise on Christmas morning. Who knew so many people in my life read my blog? But since I detest learning from experience, here we go again - and this year, I'm going to ask you for some help on some particularly sticky family members, too.

What is it? It is a remote controlled zombie.
Who is it for? Der, a boy. Every guy I know who has seen it has wanted it. We are giving one to our nine-year-old stepcousin.

What is it? Body product (bath bombs, lip balm, bath salts) recipes in the December issue of Martha Stewart living, or you could find them online.
Who is it for? It is for your nine year old daughter to make for everyone on her gift list.

What is it? Spiced Chai from Jaymi. (Note my glowing accolades in the product description!)
Who is it for? A friend. Give it with an antique tea cup that you grabbed at a yard sale.

Who is it? She is a 13 year old stepcousin, a nice kid and sporty.
What should we get her? Seriously, what? We want to spend $25-30.


What is it? My Very Own Fairy Journal
Who is it for? The soulful 7-9 year old girl of your acquaintance. (any younger and they won't be able to decorate it to their satisfaction - something to keep in mind when giving craft gifts - and any older and they'll be afflicted with loathsome tweenitis.)





Who is it? My father-in-law.
What should we get him? We never have any clue. He DOES NOT want tools, he loves Harleys - and has been given 5 billion collectible Harley-Davidson things as a result - and is hard to shop for. We're planning on spending $50-75 on him.

What is it: A personalized little girl necklace
Who is it for? Your favorite four or five year old girl.

What is it: A Hill Tribe bag.
Who is it for? Your artsy sister-in-law. Ha! Did you see that? I got all Oprah there for a moment. Seriously, though - there are lots of beautiful bags available.

What is it: A child-friendly wooden nativity set.
Who is it for? For your kids at the beginning of Advent.

What is it: It is an awesome book about pirates.
Who is it for? For the adult man in your life who likes to read about pirates.

What is it: The story CDs of Jim Weiss
Who is it for? Any kid who loves hearing stories or who spends a lot of time in the car. We particularly love the Sherlock Holmes one!

Okay, so those are my best suggestions. What are you getting for people this year? What should I get for my hard-to-buy-for family members? Let me know!

Five Things I Want My Kids to Know (Before They Grow Up).

... a meme, as tagged by Teacher Mommy.

1. Being good is more important than being happy.
2. Stupid isn't cool. Ever.
3. Your children and spouse deserve your full and loving attention. Very few other things in life do.
4. Not everyone is a superstar. Not everyone is equally talented. It is important to know your own limits and not waste your life chasing something that you can never have.
5. As you get older, you will likely realize that much of life is just awful. The trick then is to reject utterly the sarcastic nihilist armour that so many people wear, to stay open, faith-filled, loving and hopeful, always.

It's Monday!

And I posted about the Girl's BRAND NEW ROOM ALL OF HER OWN WITH NO SIBLINGS IN IT at The Kitchen Party, as well as what we did to celebrate the aforementioned Room Of Great Happiness. See you there!

Remorseless Gift-Giving Remoras: O List, Part Deux

You know, it suddenly occurred to me that perhaps I shouldn't be mocking one of the richest people in the world. Perhaps this is not wise.

Oh well! Too late for wisdom! Onwards with the list!

We Have: The Josh Groban Christmas CD
Grade: Well, I guess that depends on whether or not you like Josh Groban. I don't. Please don't give me this. But let's say that your aunt really loves Josh Groban. Do NOT give her this for Christmas. Give her this NOW - or in a week or two - so she can enjoy it while it's seasonal. Tell her it's an early Christmas present. Oh, won't your aunt be pleased.
A+, if you give your aunt the CD soon. D- for giving it to ME on Christmas Day.

Next Up: A Jar of Expensive Philosophy Moisturizer.
Grade: Yes, people certainly like to get gifts that hint in no uncertain terms that they are very, very wrinkly. D-.

Books! Gosh, I love books. Books make awesome gifts.
First: Stillness Speaks and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Grade: Books sometimes make awesome gifts. I'm too terrified of the New Age book mafia to say what I really think of books like this, except to say that if I got this for a gift, I would give you the very, very gentle look I reserve for people who scare me a bit.
So F for me. Maybe this is the dream gift for your cousin who really loves yoga and who switches religions every five seconds. A+ for her, I guess.

Next: To Kill a Mockingbird and The Bluest Eye
Grade: Geez. Look. If your gift recipient is an adult and they've wanted to own copies of these books, they already will. Maybe this would make a good gift for the sensitive, deep feeling 14 year old on your Christmas list, but it mostly strikes me as the sort of thing you give someone when you want to impress them with how sensitive and deep feeling you are. That's not cool. C.

Finally, in our list of books: The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski
Grade: However unfairly, a large portion of my gift give-ees would take being given an Oprah bookclub book as a bit of a subtle put-down. Which is kind of snotty. I think this book sounds spiffy. A solid B+ for me on Christmas morning.

Hey! A heritage smoked turkey!
Grade: Obviously not suitable for the vegetarian on your list, but a fine, Scrooge-on-Christmas-morning sort of thing. If someone is determined to spend an extravagant amount of money on me, this would be a fine way to go about it. A.

On the docket: A selection of pricey jams.
Grade: Hm. I must say that I have no idea. I am frequently given jams and/or preserves for gifts but they're always homemade and I like them fine. Homemade jams or pickles or what have you make very nice gifts. I can't quite imagine buying pricey jam for someone, though. Your call.

Next: A photo memory book
Grade: For the right recipient, this might be perfect - I like presents that are actually personal, like this. A.

Next we have: Attractive Ikea Candlesticks.
Grade: They ARE attractive. And they're also inexpensive. A nice combination. B+.

Next: A $54 dollar calendar.
Grade: $54? Really? Is this the sort of little thing that rich people buy each other? The idea that some people are buying $54 calendars while the economy tanks sort of reminds me of the court of Louis XIV running around playing milkmaid while the French populace starved.

Next: The Vegetable Box - a carton of wee vegetable cookbooks.

Grade: The is possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen in my whole life. Someone buy this for me! A+.

Next: "The most design-savvy person you know will adore this chic anodized-aluminum tray..."
Grade: Shudder. F.

Next up: $55 in vinegar!
Grade: Gosh, thanks for giving me VINEGAR. That was awesome. Can we stop being pretentious about vinegar sometime soon, PLEASE? D.

Next: Mirror-finished tea cups, which are MUCH less ugly on the website then they were in the magazine, and so I changed my mind about their grade, which is now
Grade: B-.

Next: Monogrammed soap.
Grade: This would make a great gift, perhaps, for teachers or businesses - or for soap-lovers on your list. A.

Next: A pricey gingerbread house kit.
Grade: This is a very nice idea for the time crunched family on your Christmas list - the delivery of a less-expensive version of this on some snowed-in, pre-Christmas afternoon might spare some poor harried mother on your list some grief. Or you could drop off some purchased or homemade gingerbread men and some tubes of icing and sprinkles and stuff - festive fun for not too much money. A.

Next: A scented candle in a blackboard-paint covered jar.
Grade: What? That's kind of cool. B+.

Next: Customized photo-Visa gift cards.
Grade: A+. Getting money - however impersonal - is very nice.

Next: Antique doorknob wine bottle stoppers.
Grade: Good grief, NO. Can we get rid of random, pointless whimsy along with gourmet vinegar? C-.

Next: A mitt/ice scraper combo.
Grade: This is the most brilliant thing I've ever seen, and it's FIFTEEN BUCKS (or 2 for $20)! One for all of my friends! A.

Next: The complete operas of Puccini.

Grade: You know, maybe someone you know is a completionist and only has two of Puccini's operas. Then by all means, do buy them this. Or maybe you know a really big opera buff, and again, this would make a splendid gift. But for everyone else, this smacks a bit of homework, of hinting that they need a bit more culture - and that's not really a nice thing to hint, is it? A+ for your opera-loving friend, C- for everyone else.

Next: Polka-Dotted Piggy Banks
Grade: My kids are wild about piggy banks. What precisely makes these particular piggy banks, though, cost $47? That's a bit steep. If you're buying them a cheaper bank, it's B.

Next: One of those jumbo makeup sets.

Grade: I'm not a big fan of these all in one makeup sets, really - but this might be just the thing for the teenager on your list. So B+.

Next up: The Am I Dreaming aromatherapeutic sleep/relaxation kit

Grade: This is nearly $50 for a candle and a jar of scented oil. This might strike you as a tremendous bargain. But no, it's really not. D-.

Next: A set of Aveda hand and food creams in packaging made by a Nepalese fair trade organization.

Grade: This is the sort of thing that's somewhat hard to criticize, since it's going to a good cause and all. Still, it's forty dollars and rather impersonal - if you're rolling in the dough, this might make a nice gift for your child's teacher. C+.

Next up: A "stylish tote" made by Guatemalan artisans. (I can't find it on the website.)

Grade: While avoiding the "Birkenstock vibe" I guess - and I understand that, since I avoid at all costs anything that makes me look in any way like I'm about to move to some sort of dome house commune - it's still grey with orange stripes AND $85. For a tote bag. What? D.

Next: 6 Napkin Set in Recycled Plastic Box, made in Nepal and with proceeds going towards Nepalese Health Care Centers.

Grade: This is the sort of thing that you have to pretend to love a whole bunch, or risk seeming like some char-hearted Grinch who hates Nepalese babies. It's still pretty ugly, though. There are nicer things on the site, if you poke around. C.

Next: Brownies made by a very good cause.

Grade: Good grief, they're $71 for 24. What am I wasting my time just sitting here when I could be selling brownies, which apparently are the most valuable substance on earth? What are those brownies MADE out of? It is a good cause, though, and they have smaller sets and a nice cookbook available. So I'm giving the cookbook an A.

AND FINALLY - good grief, this year's list was a MONSTER! - we have a plain white tie and some fabric paint.

Grade: Well, that's a cute idea. You get that, $2 goes to a children's hospital, the kids paint the tie for dad.... wait a minute, it's $50. ARE THEY HIGH? Do they have any idea how crappy that tie is going to look? Dad will never actually wear it, aside from walking around with it on Christmas morning. FIFTY BUCKS! Geez! D-.

All in all, I found this year's list a bit of a disappointment - although even in this time of shrinking budgets and restrained spending, we still got to see the $50 candles and the cashmere socks, which gave me a little festive glow. And if your budget is more like mine - which is to say, practically non-exsistant - there actually is a list of FREE Christmas gift ideas on Oprah's website, which might be worth checking out.

The problem with any list like this - including any list that I might make - is that a present is (hopefully) a personal thing. Lists like this seem sort of wrong and off because they are sort of wrong and off - no matter how awesome Oprah is, she can't do your Christmas shopping for you. Nope, that's your job. Have fun.

We interupt this Mockathon of Christmas presents to bring you today's melancholy parenting post. It's sort of about music. Go read that, m'kay? And later tonight I'll finish the massive Oprah list.
xo

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

... when Oprah Magazine comes out with its annual Christmas gift suggestions list! And for the Third Year In A Row, I shall mock them.

Of course, the recession is hitting EVERYWHERE, apparently - nothing on the list costs more than $100, and there's nary a sharkskin bangle bracelet to be found. So this year's list is a bit more subdued and there's even a whole paragraph about buying presents based on the individual wants and needs of your recipient at the beginning, which sort of - if you think about it - negates the whole list. But let us not be hampered by good suggestions! Onward!

First up, we have this lovely pewter O ornament.


Which you can buy at the Oprah store. Really? Is anyone this big of an Oprah fan?

Grade: Inauspiciously enough, I can't even begin to think of one. If you know a really crazed Oprah fan, than A+ and maybe you should be a bit more picky about your acquaintances. (edited to add: doh! Right. There may be other, non-Oprah reasons to put a silver O on your tree this year.)

Next up, we have a gaudy pocket mirror. The site's not working for me, but it costs $19 and it's kind of ugly.

Grade: D. Using myself - and why not? - as a model for all of womankind, I will say firmly that this is the sort of thing that no woman in the history of the world has ever wanted.

Oh, good gravy. The next thing on our list is a $20 ball of elastic bands. It's from Bumble and Bumble.

Grade: F. I buy my elastics in a bag of 500 at the Dollar Store. This is how I like to do it, in case they get stuck in there and I have to cut them out.

Next up: a fragrance (Clinique's Happy) stick that you can sharpen, complete with sharpener.

Grade: This might actually be sort of nice for a young woman on your list who likes that fragrance already, and at $30 it's less heart-stoppingly expensive than buying a traditional bottle of perfume. So B, I guess.

Next up: Cashmere men's socks! They are, the magazine assures us, "a sure thing."Grade: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH. Oh my gosh, those are hideous. AND FORTY TWO DOLLARS. F.

Next up: Silver tasseled bookmarks! That cost $56! Apparently, you're buying bookmarks for THE QUEEN NOW! Ain't you fancy.

Grade: Guess!

Next: colourful curvy dominoes from Target.

Grade: Well, I think they're boring. But my kids LOVE dominoes. WHAT? So don't give them to me, but my children would give them a solid B.

Next: Hideously colourful $70-80 short calfskin gloves from Club Monaco.

Grade: Who WEARS these? Who BUYS them? Who thinks "This is SO worth $80!"? Good grief. I'm giving them a D, since maybe they would keep your loved one's hands from freezing off or something.

Next: a boring shirt with a collar and buttons. It costs a lot of money.

Grade: There is pretty much nothing worse then the clothing that people give you for a present. I always get really suspicious, like "What are they trying to tell me? Are they saying that I'm badly dressed? Does giving me this poncho mean that they think I'm FAT?". And giving someone a boring button-front shirt - even an expensive one - is just not a great idea. F.

Next up: This robe.

Grade: Like all right-thinking people, I have an aversion to shorty robes. And then there's the whole scarlet and hot pink thing, too. If your grandma really wants a robe, you can probably find her a tasteful robe someplace else for less than $70. D

Next up - a fairly nice collection of men's toiletries for $10. Hey!

Grade - A! While it's not all that exciting to get bath stuff for Christmas, this would make an awesome stocking stuffer for the guy on your list and it's really affordable.

Next up - Gold-covered leaf ornaments, to give "nondenominational sparkle to a tree or holiday gift package." Nondenominational? Are leaves normally members of a certain denomination? I did not know this.

Grade: There's nothing really wrong with this, I guess. It's a bit boring. It's also $35, which is a bit much for something that's really just a shiny leaf. C.

NEXT UP IS A PURSE MADE OUT OF RECYCLED PULL TABS. HOLY HECK, IT IS UGLY.

GRADE: For the right person, this might be the greatest gift EVER. For the rest of us, this is $92 worth of ugly. C.

Next up: The Credio Mobile Solio charger - a solar charger for wireless devices. (scroll down to see it)

Grade: Ah. Well. At $92, this is expensive. I'm giving my husband a solar wireless device charger for Christmas (hope he's not reading this!) that cost a third of this one. But this company donates a percentage of their profits to charity, and some of those charities are not charities that everyone would choose to support. So I'm not going to grade this one, because whether you'll think "Hey, awesome!" or "I'll pass" depends on your personal beliefs, and I can't really call that one for you.

Next up: Tree seedlings.

Grade: Bleh. This would be a lovely gift if you live someplace where you can plant a tree seedling in December. Otherwise, you're just going to have to keep it alive until June. Do NOT give me a gift that's going to turn into homework. So... C?

Next we have: t-shirts that say "I Heart Trees"

Grade: I hate trees. Big leafy know-it-alls. D.

Next! An ugly fruit bowl!

That's a whole lot of ugly for $69.

Grade: Yucky! BUT. There are actually lots of spiffy things in the kitchen accessories part of the website, things that I am sitting here COVETING. So C- for the bowl and A+ for the rest of the website.

This is like running a marathon, people.

Next: "A gloriously chunky mixed-media bracelet".

Grade: It's not bad as a thing on its own terms, you know? But it's $90. And I can't really think of many people who qualify for $90 presents from me, and if they did, I would be unlikely to buy them a chunky mixed-media bracelet that they might not like. This is the sort of thing that you should only get for someone when you know that they'll love it.

Next: Flowery pearl earrings. (I can't find a link to them.)

Grade: Oh, I just don't know. A B? They're not awful and they're $30.

Next: AAAARGH! Orange and yellow goofy looking watches.

Grade: Remember Swatches? If you really couldn't get enough of them in the 80s, and want to spend $50 on a faddy watch, than this is PERFECT for you. B.

Next up: Domaine de Canton liqueur.

Grade: Uhh, I don't know. Somebody bring me some and I'll let you know.

Next Up: A squashy, buckle-ly, shiny handbag.

Grade: This is the sort of thing that always makes me doubt my own taste. I mean, I think it looks like a beetle with a handle and not in a good way, but I always see chic women running around with them. Of course, most chic women are kind of tools, so you should probably take my word for it. Ugly! C.

Next - a little thingy that sends and receives email.

Grade: You know, as soon as I saw that, I thought "Who would want THAT?" and then in my next thought, I thought of someone who would. This might actually be nice for a person who wants to be able to email like everyone else but who still finds computers really intimidating. A.

Next: Special texting gloves so you don't have to freeze your fingers while you use your i-pod.

Grade: Ick! This makes me feel like becoming Amish! D.

Next: For the paranoid - a little toothpaste-holding germ zapper.

Grade: I think that this is silly. But I am also sick all the time, so my opinion may be worthless here. By all means, zap your toothbrush! C.

Next: A big buttoned, simple cell phone for the aged!

Grade: Hooray! Great-Grandpa is getting a cell phone! Now we can bug him ALL THE TIME! B.

Next: The Panasonic BL-C1 Network Camera for, according to O Magazine "humans who stress about leaving animal companions alone." Yep! Now you can watch your pets on your work computer or cell phone!

Grade: Your cat does NOT want you watching her all day. I'll fill you in: she's either sleeping, eating, or she's peeing on your towels, okay? Now CALM DOWN. It's a PET, not a BABY. F.

Next: $85 bubble bath! Oh, Oprah. Thank you for being you.

Grade: A+, just for the sheer joy that seeing a bottle of nearly $100 bubble bath gave me.

Next: Cupcakes! Cupcakes that cost $59 for nine. Is that standard? That seems a bit steep, but what do I know?

Grade: Well, cupcakes ARE pretty nice. A box of cupcakes would probably be a nice gift for a lot of people on your list, and you could even make them. They're not HARD. B+.

Next: Personalized stationary that costs $90 for 25 notecards.

Grade: "Was that money just burning a hole in your pocket?" - My dad. F.

I'm going to leave it here, because I'm only HALF DONE this monster-length list! Good grief! I'll finish it later this week. For now, enjoy!

Remembering

Last week was balmy and kind and this week is suddenly hand-achingly cold. The Baby and I went for a walk yesterday, picking up the shipment of winter coats at the Sears depot, and by the time we got there, I was chilled to my core.

The winter coats are for The Boy and The Girl, who jointly decided to grow out of last year's winter coats, their wrists suddenly bare and Dickensian and exposed. The constant expense of children - especially when you have a bunch of them - is somewhat breathtaking and children can go from being nicely dressed to utterly shabby in no time at all. I was glad the coats got here yesterday, though, because The Girl really needed a warmer coat for today, when she was walking with her choir group several blocks to the Legion to sing for Remembrance Day.

The ceremony was outside this year and The Baby and I went early enough that we were able to stomp around the two rows of waiting chairs, to say hi to friends who had also come early, to buy yet another poppy for our coats - our third this year, I think. So by the time the actual ceremony itself started, The Baby was antsy and bored and kept shushing any babies who happened to be near us. Shushing LOUDLY. And since I spent all my money on coats for my kids, I was rather underdressed for the weather and was quietly freezing while we sang O Canada ("I do not know this song," The Baby hissed into my ear. "Tell them to STOP SINGING IT.") and watched the nearly endless line of shy school-aged grandchildren carrying wreaths for the now-dead grandfathers and great-grandfathers who had fought in one war or another. Then they read out the names of the local boys who died far away, names of families that still live here, boys who never came home again.

The Girl's choir sang that old hippy chestnut, "Where Have All The Flowers Gone?" and then The Girl and her shivering best friend scampered over to say hi to The Baby and scampered away again and The Baby was tired, so a friend wrapped her in a blanket and picked her up, rocking her gently in her arms. "Are you thinking that I am maybe a baby?" The Baby muttered sleepily. "Because I am really not." And then she fell asleep.

My friend handed my sleeping child over to me, and I walked home, leaving The Girl standing unaware with her school friends, my other daughter sleeping heavily in my arms. By the time I got home, my arms were shaking with exhaustion, but I managed to get her deposited safely asleep on the couch and then five minutes later she woke up, laughing.

"Where did you go?" The Girl said, when she got home from school, her voice cracking with hurt. "You didn't even say goodbye to me!" I hugged her to me, apologizing, and as I did, I realized that both of us had lost our poppies again, little red flowers that had fallen someplace.

Welcome To Catsterpiece Theater

I am your host, Alistair Cat.
This morning, we are proud to present this week's Kitchen Party blog, a stirring examination of Beck's boring weekend where everyone sat around being sick and grouching at each other.
And in other news, I am one huge fat cat without an ounce of brains in my head. Now go read Beck's post while I go pee on some towels.

Teetering

I'm feeling a LOT better. Hooray! No hospital for me!

That looks like the best movie ever made in the history of the world. I AM SO THERE.

Already Been Twittered: Sickness Edition

Yesterday was terrific! Two thumbs up!

And I'm lying. Yesterday was smelly. And kind of amusing, at the end of it. Remember my heart-rending post yesterday about my Poor Suffering Child? If you follow me on twitter, you may have read my bemused conclusion to a week of having my heart absolutely RIP IN TWO from my poor child's complaints about having no friends and his woeful socially outcast state. Which is like my NIGHTMARE - I spent my childhood friendless and alone and it would KILL ME if my kids were the same way, so I just felt awful about it.

His teacher called, and told me that The Boy is one of the class popular kids. The other kids fight to play with him, she's never seen him upset in ANY WAY at school, he gets into an age-and-gender-appropriate amount of trouble (strangely great to hear, since we were worried that he was one of those terrifyingly eager to please kids), and her voice was warm with affection for the little goober. So far from being the class misfit, he turned out to be the freaking prom king. How did that happen?

So we've decided after some parental talking last night that he's just run down from a month-long cold that he's had and that there's really nothing wrong with him after all. Ah.

Okay, so should that have not been enough drama for one day, my mom came over white-faced after school and told me that my youngest brother - the one who still lives with my parents - had been rushed to the hospital (and again, I totally twittered that or tweeted it or whatever) with the fears that he was having a stroke. So that was worrisome, but it turned out that he was having a migraine and after being given some "magic migraine juice" - his words - he felt chipper and went home.

And so that was the end of yesterday, a stressful day that ended with a lot of relief.

Then I woke up very, very sick this morning. My doctor said, brows furrowed, that she worries that I might be teetering on the edge of sepsis again. Because I'm very sick but not yet very sick - if you know what I mean - the next few hours will see if I respond to antibiotics this afternoon and haul myself back from the brink. And if not. Well. That's not a very fun scenario.

Now that I have written that, I am sad. Poor, poor me.

Doctor, Sometimes I Cry For No Good Reason

... like when I read my post over at 5 Minutes For Parenting today. WAAAAAAAH!

I've had a bit of a rough week, actually, and so has one of my kids, so he (gee, I wonder which one of my kids I'm talking about) is taking the rest of the week off, and we'll see if we can figure out what is going on. Sigh.

The Foundation For The Eradication of Irritating Ear Worms

It always strikes me as somewhat astonishing when other people tell me that they DON'T have a constant, irritating soundtrack running in their heads. How did they avoid this awful fate?

My inner soundtrack was apparently permanently set when I was 11 or 12 years old, and I'm just glad that the rest of my tastes weren't set in stone then as well, because I really, really don't want to wear over-sized purple acrylic sweaters for the rest of my life and secretly wish that I could marry Prince. I'm a nice married mother of three in my mid-30s and all I want to do is curl up on the couch with a detective novel and a cup of tea and what's going on in my head?



But I don't want to party all the time. I don't even want to party PART of the time.

I also don't want to go-go anywhere and yet I've had this horrible song in my head for the last 20 years. Remember when Wham! was popular and George Michael was SO cute, and your dad was like "That gentleman is not into the ladies?". Oh DAD. You were SO WRONG.

But it's not all bad 80s synth pop in my internal soundtrack. No.


Really, though, who even WANTS a fiddle made of gold? I certainly wouldn't imperil my immortal soul for a tacky golden fiddle. Ew.

There are also chronically festive corners:

I put that on and The Baby asked, with some alarm, "Mom, who are those spooky guys?". Indeed.

And this list would be imcomplete without the following:

Sigh.

Obviously, you should share YOUR irritating ear worms in the comments, since nothing would be better than adding to the aural horrors in my head.

Phew.
I wrote a Kitchen Party post first thing this morning AND I LOST IT. Oh yes, I did.
So I had to sit back down and write another one and it took me HOURS. HOURS! And it's not even very long! Here is the result of all of my hard work.

Before I back away from my computer, not to return until later - I didn't sign up for the Blog Every Day thing. No, I blog MORE then often enough, thanks. I signed up for the Write A Novel In November thing. So far, my novel is crap. I haven't managed to work in the big ninja versus pirate fight yet, so it'll probably pick up when I get there.

And This Will Be The Last Halloween Post Until Next Year

The Girl lounged around looking pasty and miserable until right after lunch, and then she said, in a pale, pale voice, that she was going to try and get ready to go to the Halloween party at school.

And then she did! Her Best Friend Ever - what a sweet kid - brought her a Halloween costume, since The Girl's costume did not arrive in time, and after a whole lifetime of being lectured about "NO OCCULT COSTUMES! NOTHING SCARY!" my sweet little girl went as THE DEVIL! Or some sort of Renaissance Fairre Lady Devil, anyhow, and she looked distressingly beautiful. I hope you enjoyed trick-or-treating, kid! Mommy and Daddy are building you a tall tower, ala Rapunzel and letting you read nothing but Jack Chick tracts. ( <---- That was a joke.)

Then we trick-or-treated for three solid hours on foot, except for The Baby, who was carried by her kind daddy for two and half of the three hours. Oh, good times. I am SO tired today.

The Baby came dashing downstairs this morning and discovered that The Halloween Fairy had removed all of her candy that she can't eat and left her a toy black kitten in its place - she was pretty pleased. And the rest of this weekend holds a birthday party, a movie at the arena, church AND a big Sunday evening church event AND grocery shopping, so I'd better back away from this computer and get to it. I hope yesterday was fun for all of you, too.

Look what I just signed up for! If the desire for literary glory apparently isn't enough of an incentive to make me write, maybe peer pressure WILL be.