Generators Cost Money

Sad but true. I think that we should just magically have a generator, or a solar retrofit, or maybe our very own coal-powered power factory in the backyard. Just a small one. So to help raise some cash dollars to buy our magical generator and/or coal factory, I've made a little Amazon page of books that I've found helpful as a parent, some gluten-free food recommendations, a lot of cookbooks and some kids' books that you may not have thought of. If you want to check it out, there it is. And if you don't, that's cool. I'LL JUST FREEZE. (I'm kidding. Go have a look if you like.)

My house has warmed back up today. It took HOURS, but it's funny how different 14c feels when you know your house is getting warmer, as opposed to how 14c feels when you know your house is getting COLDER. It took me longer then the house to warm up - by eight, I was still chilled and shivering. Today is brutally cold outside, but calm and clear and it is almost Friday. I feel a little bit run-down today - gee, I wonder why? - but there's nothing I really have to do and nowhere I have to go. I'm just happy to be warm and in my grubby house - so happy that I'm now going to spend the afternoon scrubbing floors and cleaning toilets. Whoo!

Edited to add: On Tuesday, I wrote that The Baby was singing "My cows and chickens are going to the dickens", and apparently I'm the only Guys and Dolls fan or something. It's from the song "A Bushel and A Peck", which The Baby loves.

Baby, It's Cold Inside

Hey. How was your day? I really hope better then mine, because geeeeez, today was BAD.
So yesterday I was moping around and whining and today I woke up and the weather had taken a serious, scary turn for the worse - a nasty winter storm with high winds, extremely low temperatures and incredibly poor visibility (I couldn't see our driveway from our window) that kept my husband home from work, which has NEVER happened before. The road was closed all around us. Nerve-racking, right? We found out that all of the schools were closed - not just bus cancellations, but CLOSED - and then like someone flicked a switch, our power went out.

As I've mentioned, I live in Northern Ontario. One of the many interesting features of the good old frosty north is that it gets COLD here in the winter - no kidding! - and without electricity, our house quickly cooled down. Lots of people around here have wood heat but NOT US and we kept thinking that any second now, our power was going to come back on. Then it turned out that the hydro company couldn't fix anything because the roads were closed, too bad for us, and our whole town was told that we should find friends with woodstoves and plan on staying there for a few days.

Two of my friends in town have wood heat and both had their power still on, weirdly enough. But both friends were painfully sick and I wasn't enthusiastic about catching anything imposing on my dear, sick friends. My husband's boss braved the scary roads and brought us a generator, which didn't power anything - a horrible, horrible letdown and the house had plummeted to TEN by then (50, my American friends). So we headed over to sweet, sweet Bonnie's house and she had hot tea waiting and BLESSED HEAT. Then Bonnie's power went out - and my dad decided to come and get us. As soon as he arrived in town from the country in his big truck, THE POWER MAGICALLY CAME BACK ON.

The stores were all closed except for a corner shop, so The Girl and I ran in to get something for supper - mmm, corner store food - and I turned around quickly, elbowing the Girl in the nose and she had a weeping nose bleed all over the store. I am the BEST mother! What a great day! And now it's over and I'm going to watch crappy tv and throw my head away and have TWO glasses of wine. Sheesh.

A Story With A Moral In It

I spent most of today wandering around whining inwardly to myself (or laying on the couch, whining inwardly): waaaah, I'm still sick. waaaaaaaaah, I'd like some candy. waaaaah, my big stupid house is dirty and I have to clean it. waaaaaah, it's raining out and I've been stuck in the house for a week and a half and I'm bored.

Wah.

And meanwhile, the poor old Baby was watching me slump around in my foul, sulky mood and eventually I caught her bawling her eyes out in the laundry room, damn me. So I realized that someone here had to at least pretend to be an adult and so I read her a stupid Blue's Clue's book and we split a popsicle and made some white chocolate-banana gluten-free muffins and a batch of playdough, her scooting around the kitchen delighted in a vintage yellow apron and then playing happily with her new playdough.
And I turned around and saw her sitting happily at the table, singing one line over and over again ("my cows and chickens ARE GOING TO THE DICKENS!") and felt instantly better, this whole day suddenly turning into one vivid golden memory, this gift that I did not deserve.

My Kitchen Party post is up and it is only a BIT about us all being sick. It's mainly about the best brownies in the world, and maybe 2/5 about us being sick. See? You WANT to read it! Go on over and say hey.

I'm tired of posting about us being sick - it's boring. Actually being sick this much is kind of boring, too, with a generous scoop of worrisome on top. Anyhow, everyone is quite a lot better.

My husband - and I find this very moving - is working with The Boy in the workshop, taking apart a photocopier. He bought it specifically so that they could take it apart together and at least once a weekend, they head out, The Boy chattering nonstop about how much money they're going to make off of eBay once the big disassembling part is done.

When I asked my husband why they were doing this, why he had bought this big dead photocopier, he told me that actually BUILDING things with The Boy drives him rather nuts, but once he thought about it, he realized that unbuilding things was much simpler. And so now, if you lean into the workshop, you can hear my husabnd telling my son in his calm, gentle voice what each part does, how the motors work. They've also been pouring over robot magazines, with big plans for making little zipping robots out of various pieces, so my son has just been endlessly delighted by this taking apart.

The Girl is over her stomach bug now, but feels fragile and flyaway, her weight dipping terrifyingly below 50 pounds. I held her on my knee today and pressed my face into her fever-matted hair, tired and worn out myself, feeling like I was 300 years old, like all of this was already just a memory and gone.

Another Update

I don't have pneumonia. I have, they think, the Dread Influenza. As part of the testing process, a very kind nurse performed a nasal swab and you should NEVER AGREE TO THIS. It was "uncomfortable." In the meantime, I had a good night and even though I'm still rather sick, I'm going to bundle up on the couch with some magazines and just relax for the day.

The Baby is all better and is currently sitting on my knee eating little cheesy gf crackers. The Boy never was sick, although convincingly feigned Severe On The Verge Of Death Illness whenever it was time for school and so missed a big chunk of school this week, THE FAKER.
And my husband never was sick, although he's rather sad about the Plague of Cooties that has struck his home.

My poor Girl, though, is having a very rough time - she was sick again during the night and she feels like she's made out of something lightweight and breakable. Candy wafers, maybe, or little glass sticks. She's drinking enough and she's even cautiously eating some soda crackers right this moment, so I'm really hoping that her stomach bug has run its course and that she is going to start feeling much better today. UPDATE! She is drinking a fruit smoothie. That has to be good, right?

Thanks for all of the good thoughts yesterday. You're all very, very kind.
Updated again! Look what I just found!

I found this version endearingly WEIRD, and the main actress rather properly equine.
And look! Northanger Abbey, which I MISSED!

I suspect that I will be sitting wrapped in a blanket at my computer. Have a good Saturday, everyone.

Update!

The Girl - who never DID have a cold, but instead just sat around looking pale and ghastly - spent all night throwing up. So that was restful. She's sleeping soundly right now and has had several hurl-free hours, so let's hope that this is the end of it and she can spend the day eating jello and drinking gingerale and yelling at her brother.

And also, a nurse friend of mine thinks that I have pneumonia since I have a lot of chest pain and a constant fever. Well, that would suck. If I still feel this way by lunchtime, it's Doctor Time!

The Baby and The Boy seem to be feeling a lot better. I am praying that The Girl's stomach bug misses them altogether, especially my little Baby who is suddenly topping the scales at 27 pounds.

I also feel like borrowing Kyla's Quarantined stamp, since whoo, we are mighty sick. I hope all of you are doing well. Tell me something in my comments to cheer me up, since I'm feeling quite sorry for myself this morning....

I am SO sick today. It would actually be kind of fun, in a feverish sort of way, if I could take to my bed with a hot water bottle and a big stack of not-challenging mysteries and endless cups of hot tea brought to me by one of those devoted, clever servants who so frequently pop up in not-challenging mysteries.
"Is that all, M'lady?", my useful servant would say. And then he'd shimmer off and solve a not-very challenging mystery AND get my good friend Bingo out of yet another romantic scrape while I had a nap.

Alas, my kids are sick too and they're all home, which means that my little five-second unplanned nap on the couch was interrupted by The Baby lifting up my eyelids and yelling "MAMA! WAKE UP! I NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU!"
"Waaaaat?" I said, groggily, like someone surfacing from the ocean.
"I NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU!"
"About what?"
"Ummm..... about socks."

I have a fever! I probably did talk with The Baby about socks for quite a while, but I don't remember it. And I probably had a good ending for this post at one time, but I don't remember it either. Back to vainly trying to stay awake....

Go Vote For Me!

It's the finals of the Canadian Blog Awards and I made it! So go vote for me and make me happy. And in return, I offer you today's bleak post, below.

Famous Dead People

Heath Ledger died yesterday afternoon, as you certainly are aware of by now.

It was shocking - there are many celebrities right now who we pretty much expect to die, Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse springing grossly to mind, but Heath Ledger's death caught me like a gut punch. If capering for our entertainment is so soul-destroying that it wears 28 year olds out and leaves them sick and alone and naked and dead even with their fame, maybe we should double-check on how much entertainment we actually need. I'm tired of watching talented young people fall apart for my entertainment, their every horrible decision captured for my enjoyment. I'm tired of seeing dozens of flashbulbs pop as some sad, bagged body is brought out, capturing it's lonely last trip for my viewing pleasure.

Heath Ledger, it has been reported, had pneumonia and was on a possibly-fatal combination of antibiotics, sleeping pills and antidepressants. ANTIDEPRESSANTS. That's horrifying, that a young man with a thriving career, critical acclaim, millions of dollars and all of perks that fame brings - endless attractive sexual partners! fancy clothes! interesting drugs! - was that unhappy. (this was meant ironically, people!) What does our society possibly have to offer anyone if the winners aren't happy with their prize?

Our cultural rot is well displayed by our celebrities, I think, this weary horde of promiscuous drug addicts that we admire and despise. Occasionally - more then occasionally - one of them dies and we then find that we always loved them. And now an actually talented, respected young actor has unexpectedly died and his child has no father and if my son wanted to be an actor, I would lock him in his room. "Come out when you want to be an accountant," I would yell through the doorknob and by now, regardless of what I think, some already-famous two year old has landed back in the United States, unaware that this is the start of her life without her promising, handsome father, unaware that our eyes are now on her, eager to watch her stumble and fall.

Catching up with the memeseses.

For Lotus:
I asked the Boy for his parental domination tip and he literally blanched. He is an eager to please six and wanted me to post that he is a very good boy. He certainly is, although one might add that he is also a very loud boy at times. Like, on days that end with Y and while he's awake and stuff. But other than that: goodness and light.

For Chelle:
Why do I write?
1. I'm a bit of a show-off and being a stay-at-home mom is not that jam-packed with approval for a job well done, tragically.
2. I like writing. I find it fun. When I don't write for a few days, I feel weird.
3. Writing something down helps me figure out what I think and why.
4. Everyone in my family writes, just about. Who am I to break a tradition?

Have you tagged me with something recently? Let me know in the comments and I'll update this post.

And HOW did the birthday party go?

I wrote all about it at The Kitchen Party AND you can see the Lego cake! Go look!

The whole church congregation sang Happy Birthday to The Boy this morning, while he sat there modest and pleased in his winter coat. He opened his present from us this morning - the Lego fire boat that he'd wanted so much - and then my parents came in with more gifts for him and my Uncle Doug and Aunt Linda in tow. We're taking him out for dinner tonight, making him a cake, singing him Happy Birthday a few more times and none of it quite captures the delight we feel in our fine young son, this boy with the gentle brown eyes.

I could write a few more sentimental sentences about how much I love him, the joy that he brings us but you know how I feel, likely, if you are a parent - which is incomprehensible and touching to me, this world full of people who either are loved like this by someone or who are deserving of love like this, this world full of people who are precious to someone.

Yesterday, post-party, I put on Antiques Roadshow to calm down the kids. I didn't think anything about the channel it was on until I looked over at my Girl and saw that her eyes were filled with tears, because she'd been reading the scrolling news at the bottom of the screen: people killed in riots in Kenya, a baby killed by its father, children killed in a car accident. She doesn't yet have the defenses we need to have to live in our big sad world, and so this is fresh pain, things that she did not know could really happen. I felt sick with guilt, that I'd inadvertently let my child have this preventable pain, this sad knowledge.

When I first considered being a mother, I thought that I could protect myself my only loving partially, by keeping part of myself removed from the whole business of parenting and thus spare myself the whole terror of parenting - because it IS terrifying, this having beloved people in a wicked, uncertain world - but the second I held my children, I was a goner.

What I did not know - something that is a constant wonder to me - is what a joy my children are, this wild rush of delight at looking over at my now-six year old son sitting in church quiet and pleased. the sun shining in yellow church window beams onto his hair and face, this beloved child on his birthday.

Good grief!

Well, I asked for it, didn't I? Here you go!

Rose - why is your blog called Frog and Toad Are Still Friends? Especially since you are not all that into amphibians???
Because I love the children's book Frog and Toad Are Friends, and it was sitting beside me while I idly tried to think of a name for my blog. I remind myself of Toad, thank you.
(and Maddy, you are SO right!)

Slouching Mom/Rima - how does your husband feel about your blogging, specifically about the children? does he read your blog on a regular basis?
My husband reads my blog frequently and is very supportive of it - as he is of anything that I want to do. He emailed me: "as for the children - you don't use their names and I am much more concerned about what real-life people might do rather than what some stranger, who is likely hundreds or more miles away, who might be looking at our children in one of billions of non-suggestive photos on the internet."
So there you go.

Sister Honey Bunch - What did you do before you had kids? Do you have a good meatloaf recipe?
Not much? I was in school on and off for a long time and had a series of cutesy short-term jobs, but I wasn't a high-powered anything. I was mostly just drifting aimlessly along.
Here's my favorite meatloaf recipe!

Becky - Do you do anything just for you?
Sure - this blog is just for me. I've also started going to aerobics, visit with friends several times a week, read A LOT, and that sort of thing. I'm not a whole lot into self-denial.

Susiej.com - How do you find time to comment on blogs? How do your kids feel about your blog? Have you decided to turn your blog into a book yet?
The Baby gets up at 5:30-6:00 every single morning and doesn't want to do anything but sit groggily on my knee, so I do the bulk of my commenting then and while my husband is tucking the kids in. Also, I'm a fast reader/typist, which helps A LOT.


My kids are indifferent to my blog. It is just part of the big boring bossy person who they call Mama.

Publishers? Are you out there?

Tracey - Why is that you are so cool?

Is it the pocket protector? The braces? The plaid short sleeved shirt or the flood pants?

Wheelsonthebus - Is there a way to disguise protein and iron as a carbohydrate so my son thinks he's eating bread but getting the nutrition of a burger?
Try quinoa - it's a grain that's also a complete protein and it has a mild, inoffensive taste that most kids enjoy. Also, you can put low-sodium beef broth into a lot of foods to boost the iron and protein content.

Tiffany - What would you do with a day all to yourself and $1000.00 to spend in it?
I'd go to one of those huge bookstore/coffee shop combos. Then I'd go and buy some foxy shoes. There's $1000, gone.

Aliki2006 - Where do you see yourself in twenty years (beyond being a successful, well-published writer, of course...!)?
This is a hard question. I'm going to be 55 in twenty years. I have no idea what 55 year old me will want to do. I hope that I'll be happy with myself, how my kids have turned out and with the decisions I've made, regardless.

Jill - Did you go to university? What did you study? What do you want to be when you grow up?
Yep. Then there's a long story that involves me dropping out three times. Stay in school, kids! I used to think that I was going to be an archaeologist, the kind who bravely fought off mummies and stuff. But my science grades weren't very good and I'm a bit of a coward. So I ended up being an English major and then switching to Religious Studies and then switching to just paying off student loans for the rest of my life.

His Girl - What was your first date like with your Husband?
We went to see Ghost. Then we did some underaged drinking (well, I did. He was of age.). And then we kissed for the next six hours. Oh, and he made me some turkey tetrazzini. It was a great date.

erin k - Do you own any Over the Rhine albums/which ones?
I have The Trumpet Child and a few assorted other songs.

erin k - Which city would you most like to visit?
I don't know! Dublin, maybe?

Janet - How would you like to spend your days, when your kids are all in school full time?
I think I'm going to enjoy having LOTS of uninterrupted writing time. (true story - I accidentally wrote "napping" before I noticed and changed it to "writing.")

Susanne - Did you write well when you were a youngster? Did you enjoy writing as child or is it something that you developed a taste for as you were older? Did you use big words when you were a kid?
I was more of a reader as a kid, although people started commenting on my writing when I was 14ish, I guess. And yes, I was sort of an obnoxiously verbose kid.

Robin M - Where is your favorite vacation spot?
Great-Grandpa's!

Lisa Milton - I'm looking for a great vegan baking book. (I'm allergic to eggs.) Do you have any suggestions?
I've heard that this cookbook is good, but I don't have much experience with vegan baking. Here's my vegan cake recipe.

Kathryn - Perhaps you've already written about this but how did you meet your hubby?
I did write about it! But to sum up: went to high school together, set up by friends, crappy high school relationship + break-up, five years of not dating, getting back together, the end.

Mad Hatter - What is your bra size and do you own some sexy bras or are they all utilitarian over the shoulder boulder holders?
Hehehehe. Pervert. 34DD, thank you. And because I have such an odd bra size, my bras are all pretty utilitarian, although before I had kids, oh, the tarty brasseries I owned. Now my bras resemble building scaffolding, cost $60 and wear out in under 2 months. It's pretty tragic.

letter9 - will we ever pay off the law school loans?
All signs point to yes.
Honestly, my husband and I had a HUGE amount of student loans and simply by being poor for a whole DECADE, we've managed to pay off a big chunk of them. Isn't that cheering?

Soul-Fusion - if you weren't living the life you have right now (being the most fun mom in Canada as far as I can tell), where do you see yourself and what would you be doing?
Spunky girl detective? Hobo? I dunno. I'd probably be working at lame jobs, writing half-heartedly and not be all that happy.

Hetha - Would you like to visit the states, and if so, where would you like to go?
Yes, of course I'd like to visit the States! I've always thought that I'd like to go to Boston, for some reason. My children are convinced that a trip to Disney World is their God-given right as North American children, but I doubt that will be happening.

Recovering Sociopath - Has anybody ever said you looked like Sarah Vowell? Do you think you look like Sarah Vowell?
This is Sarah Vowell




























And this is me:










I'm sure she's great, but no. I don't think we look alike, quite. Maybe a bit, like cousins.

Nowheymama - This is a thinking ahead question, but what are your plans, if any, for when the Baby goes to school/has to be gluten free 'in public'?
Ack. I worry A LOT about that, but the school has handled more serious food issues in the past, so I think it will be okay. I'm planning on sending a container of safe snacks for her into school for occasions that call for that sort of thing, and other then that, I dunno.

Heidi - If you HAD TO go back to work, what would you do? Is this the same thing you did before or something different?
I would probably want to go work at the local library, ideally. I've worked at libraries before and enjoyed it.

Susan - What was your 1st rock concert?
Let me think.... I think it was the Cure in Toronto in 1987. They were TERRIBLE live. I'm lucky I still liked music after that.

Julie Pippert - What criteria and/or parameters did you use for selecting your children's names?
Could my husband and I agree that we both liked it? Was it simple? Was it uncommon? Was it old-fashioned? Did it not sound stupid with our last name?

Cristan/Chickadee - which blouse did you choose for your Christmas party?
I wore a foxy black v-neck shirt that a friend sent me!

bren j. - how are you going to find time to answer all these questions?
Ha! It's my evening's entertainment!

Cyndi - If you knew someone had never read a book in their entire life, what is the book you would tell them to read? (Besides the Bible, if you would say that.)
Is this going to be their ONE book and that's it? Then they may as well read this one and then they can have some bragging rights.

Ser - How is the diet going? Did you re-gain any of the eight pounds you lost over the holidays?
The diet's going okay, I guess. I think that I regained a pound or two but I'm consistently a bit thinner then I was, so SUCCESS! I still need to lose 25 pounds, which I'm working at.

nomotherearth - For me? I need to know the ultimate dinner (and maybe dessert too) recipe(s). To be considered ultimate, they have to be a combination of:a)easy to make b)not expensive to make c)delicious d)even kids will eat 'em.
Spaghetti and meatballs, a green salad and apple crisp with ice cream. It's all affordable, kids LOVE it, and it's pretty easy, even though the spaghetti recipe is a bit lengthy. I'm really sick of that particular meal, but you didn't ask what MY ultimate dinner was, right?

Veronica Mitchell - If you were a superhero and needed an ordinary, secret identity, what would you choose? Also, if you had to live in a Christopher Guest movie, in which one would you feel most at home? This Is Spinal Tap, A Mighty Wind, Best in Show, or Waiting for Guffman?
I think that I'd be an actress who played a superhero during the day and then be a REAL superhero at night. Nobody would see that coming.
A Mighty Wind, hands down. I walk around singing "Kiss At The End Of The Rainbow" all the time ANYHOW. Oh, and that colour cult song.

Susan (again!) - How do you balance motherhood, wifehood, church membership, Canadian citizenship, and have any time left for yourself (and your blog?) Has this gotten easier as your children have gotten older? (Please say yes.)

It's gotten much easier as my kids have gotten older, of course. Nothing is as hard as having several small children - I always felt like someone had installed a bowling alley right in my head.

The balance question is hard to answer. Some days I feel like I do a good job and other days I really don't.

Karen MEG - Do you schedule your blogging in at any particular time? Or just whenever you get a free moment/ even if you don't?
Yep - I write only in the morning, before my kids get up OR right after they go to school. I write my post and do a quick run through of my bloglines and then when my 30-40 minutes is up, it's done. (I have another 20 minute block at lunchtime and then in the evening while we're watching tv...)

Heidi - Have you ever thought about writing a novel?
I have, but I don't know if I have a novel in me.

Jennifer - What song did you and your husband first dance to at your wedding?
"Do I Love You" by Ella Fitzgerald. We WANTED to dance to "Jersey Girl" by Tom Waits, but my mom burst into tears at the very suggestion, so we caved.

Flip Flop Mamma - Do you have a set schedule that you follow every day, or do you just fly by the seat of your pants like me? If you have a schedule, please map out how your day goes.
I sort of do - Monday I spend cleaning up from the weekend, Tuesday I tend to focus on the laundry, Wednesday is a popular day for visiting, Thursday is time to clean out the fridge and wash floors and change bedding, Friday is the day I spend handling paperwork. This is, theoretically, my schedule. Do I stick to it? Um....

Anonymous - Which blouse did you decide/buy from Sears?
This one.

Meagan - What was your favorite part about being pregnant? Was one any easier than the others?
My pregnancy with The Girl was the lowest risk, but none of them were exactly fun. My favorite part of being pregnant was feeling the baby move!

Kelley - What would you title a novel about your life?
"Gettin' Fatter."

Mimi: Comedy? or Tragedy?
Comedic tragedy.

edj - What is French for clothespin?Will you come visit me?Did I ever tell you about the dream I had in which we visited you and you didn't look like your picture and I was worried you were the wrong Beck?
pince a linge (I phoned and asked my mom)
Certainly, although you do live on the wrong side of the continent.
No. No, you did not. Although I only post REALLY FLATTERING pictures of myself, so rest assured, I look very little like them.

Omaha Mama - what's one thing that you are absolutely terrible at?
DRIVING. MATH. SHOOTING FIREARMS. ORGANIZATION. HANDLING STRESS. Don't you feel better now?

Bub & Pie - If we ever got to meet and go out for coffee would you be the kind of person to:(a) draw me out with lots of questions and say little about yourself(b) keep the conversational ball afloat with spontaneous brilliance(c) keep the conversational ball afloat with a prepared (and memorized) list of topics(d) let the awkward silences sit there until I started gabbling to fill in the blanks?(e) other (please specify)
I'm e) - babbling stupidly. It'll be great!

Tammy - Were you always so wonderful at painting pictures with your words, or did it just develop in recent years? :)And unrelated bonus question...What is the farthest away you ever traveled?
Um... I've had people complimenting me on my writing for a long time, but I felt very callow all through my 20s and wasn't very satisfied with my writing. So I'd have to say that I've only liked my writing "voice" since I've been in my 30s.
Winnipeg, Manitoba. I was six.

The End of Motherhood (I can't find a link for you.)- Did you answer all 50 questions?
My fingers! They are bleeeeeeding!

flutter - When did you first realize that you had a talent for cooking?
I've always had an interest in cooking, at least - I can remember pouring over my mom's illustrated cookbooks as a very young child. I actually started cooking as a young teenager, when I baked to relieve my angst of living way out in the country and not having a boyfriend. Oh, the tragedy.

Emily - How on earth are you ever going to answer all of these questions?And how do you make time for all of the fabulous things you do AND blogging? I'm seriously needing a bit of direction in bloggy time management.
I don't do any blogging in the main part of the day - I blog while I'm watching tv with my husband in the evening, for example, but not mid-morning when I could be doing something with my kid. And I try to keep an eye on how long I've spent blogging each day, so it doesn't overflow the amount of time I've decided is appropriate that day.

Haley - When do you find time to bake -- and when did the kids start taking an interest?
I do most of my baking in the morning. If it's something that I really want The Baby to take part in, I make a big deal of telling her how much I need her assistence and find her a cute apron and her own wooden spoon, which she enjoys. And there's not an issue with me finding time to bake - once everyone is a bit older, it's amazing how much easier it is to do things!
Ask The Monkey if she'd like to dump things into the batter for you - most kids like that. I think my kids were my big "helpers" as soon as they could stand up reliably.

Chaotic Joy - Feeling pressured yet?
Ack!

Yamille - How did you celebrate A A Milne's birthday today?
Yesterday was a snow day for my older kids and so my son was hyperventalating around all day, COMPLETELY EXCITED about his birthday party (today! it's in just a few hours!) and did NOT want to hear anything about Winnie the Pooh. The Baby and I made some buckwheat pancakes in the morning, which I told her Winnie particularily liked, and when the kids needed some calming down, they watched a Winnie the Pooh video. I'm going to save the Winnie crafts for some afternoon next week whenThe Baby is needing something special.

Ask me a question!

Hey, Barb and Bev just asked their readers to ask them any question they liked, and I thought that was a lot of fun. So now I'm copying them and letting my muse have a nap for the day. Anything you want to know? Song lyrics you can't remember? Simple (very simple.) math questions you need answered for your grade two homework? Questions about gluten-free cooking for toddlers? Stuff about me? Ask away and I will answer all, unless you're a big creepy pervert.

Haunted

I like old houses. In theory I like new houses - I like looking at house plans, like walking through the half-built skeleton of houses undergoing construction, like the smell of freshly painted walls and new carpets.

But emotionally, I love old houses, love the feeling that people have lived in my house long before I was born and likely will continue to live in my house long after I am dead. I grew up in a very old house and so they feel like home, the dust and the creaky floorboards and the mice and the scary old wiring. My husband, despite being raised in a typical suburban house, loves old houses too and apparently always fantasized about being able to renovate some teetering old wreck, to coax a once-lovely place back into beauty.

Every town has the charming old house that has fallen into disrepair, I think. Maybe it's been vacant for a bit too long and now the ghosts wander about it a little too freely, but you walk by it and think "Oh, that's a shame," and then keep moving because you're too sensible to buy some pretty wreck of a house. You, my theoretical friend, are smarter then we are. My husband, the lucky, lucky man, has been able to live out his possibly poorly thought out fantasy of unending renovations, and I get to live in a house with ten foot ceilings, antique hardwood floors and one closet. Oh, and the scariest cellar I've ever seen.

"Is it haunted?" my brother asked me when we moved in. Absolutely not, somewhat surprisingly, although it looks exactly like the sort of place where foggy hands should brush aside the curtains and phantom shoes should trot up and down the stairs - whoa, I just creeped myself out! I absolutely should not be writing this with just me and The Baby in the house! But it's pleasantly blank, aside from one of the bedroom doors occasionally closing on its own. My husband attributes that to the house shifting, while I think, secretly, that it is The Haunted Door. Other than that, we're good. Ghost-free.

The house I grew up in had many ghosts. "A witch lives in the back room," one of the three boys who had been living there told me and my brother and I thought, at age 7, "Crap." And "Oh, drat." And possibly "heck", because swearing was bad. But I knew that I didn't want to move into a house with a resident witch who, we were informed, would come and stand over us while we were sleeping, crying into her long stringy hair. And then there was the phantom cat who would twist itself languidly around guests' legs, who jumped on my brother's bed at night and who I utterly did not believe in until I was 17 and sick in bed and heard a cat running lightly down the hallway and pause outside my door for just a breath and then ran into my room and jumped on my bed and I screamed hysterically for my mother, feverish and terrified. I was pretty tired of ghosts by the time I moved out.

And so you'd think that I would like new houses, places without the spooky stain of history. One time a friend was showing me through her new house - only five years old, all new cupboards and sun shining through high modern windows and as she walked around her house, she cheerfully said "... and here is where he shot his wife.... and here is where he shot his son" and I knew then that you could never escape it, that you could round any corner and there would be a woman who could not possibly be there, wringing her hands and crying into her long hair.

Guess What Show I'm Watching

Things The Wonderpets Want To Save

1. The cute baby deer with its head inexplicably stuck in a tree


2. The baby triceratops, about to be extinct-ed.


3. The baby pigeon, even though it's actually a winged rat.


4. The creepy guy who is always at the post office.


5. The cute baby dog who has to go outside to pee IN THE DARK, oh the inhumanity.
6. The small children chased up onto the back of the couch by a puppy who likes to bite.

RUN! RUN, MY COWARDLY CHILDREN!

(The piles of cards, I find myself irresistibly compelled to say, belong to my youngest brother and I couldn't figure out a way to crop them out of the picture. The pictures are my mother's and that is her child-friendly house, where children are welcome, apparently, to climb on the back of the couch.)

My kids spend the occasional Saturday afternoon with my parents so that I can experience the joys of grocery shopping without them, and these are the photos I find on my return - my children being herded by The New Puppy, Taffy. Grand. Their grandparents also put them to work:

The Boy half-heartedly whacked a few nails and then went into the house again, but The Girl stayed out for hours, determinedly working.
"It's the first time I built a barn!" my daughter told me cheerfully upon her return home. And here I always thought that I was going to have such urban children. Apparently not.

Look what my husband built me!

Aren't those lovely new bookshelves? My husband is so Handy. I included The Baby a) to give a sense of scale and b) because she's so cute and wittle. The open bottom section isn't done yet, but it's coming. And will any pants ever fit The Baby? Likely not.

Have you voted for me yet?

I'm busy today, working out all of the details for The Boy's birthday party. So far, it's looking a lot like this:
The house will be festively arrayed in red, yellow and blue streamers and balloons and likely we'll decorate the porch with giant fake Legos. This last part MAY not happen - we'll see.

11:30 - guests arrive. Have each arriving guest write down how many legos they think are in a gigantic jar.

Play Throw The Lego (each guest takes turn tossing a jumbo block at a ringed target.)

Play Pin The Lego on The Lego Building. My husband is in charge of drawing a) the Lego building and b) making all of the individual sticky lego pieces. I'm sure he'll enjoy that.

I'm going to pause here and mention that birthday party games NEVER EVER take as long as you hope they might. Pin The Lego, for example, will take about 10 seconds with 14 kids. On the other hand, sometimes the kids will decide that they want to play Freeze Dance for the entire party and that is when you must smile graciously and NOT force the kids to play the other ten games that you planned. Flexibility is important, as is the ability to suddenly remember a dozen other games for the kids to play once they run through all of your plans in five minutes. And do NOT hand out prizes at a young child's game, unless you really want to hear a room full of kids crying for a solid two hours.

Play Who Can Build The Tallest Lego Tower While The Boy's Mom Goes And Looks For A Tylenol.

Play Drop The Little Lego into the Big... Jar or something. I haven't quite worked out the details of it yet.

And I HOPE that by this time, the kids are ready to have some lunch and it's not only 11:35. Pizza! Mm! Sweet delicious pizza! And then a Lego Cake and an ice cream sundae bar.
Then it's time to open gifts, declare a winner on the Lego guessing game (I'm breaking my own rule! But it's while the loot bags are being handed out and the prize won't be very good.), hand out loot bags and send everyone HOME, because hopefully it's 1:00.

So today is working out all of the details and figuring out what we're going to need and so on. Throwing a birthday party is really, really easy, once you realize that all little kid parties have EXACTLY THE SAME TEMPLATE:
1) Play the same lame games at every party with different versions. Pin the princess in the castle! Pin the snowball on the snowman! Pin the bottle of tequila right to my hand and leave me alone!

2) Have a theme cake. You can either make it yourself, like a sucker, or you can find someone else to do it for you.

3) Hand out loot bags. What you put in them depends on the age of the kids and what the theme of the party - for very little kids, a ziplock bag of homemade playdough, a plastic cookie cutter, some crayons and a little bit of theme-y candy are nice. For The Boy's party, we're handing out Lego candies, gummy worms, a dollar store Lego set, some stickers and a whoopie cushion.

4) Put up some decorations. Streamers and balloons are always nice, and a pinata is lots of fun. Try to think of a way to work your theme into the decorations: last year, at the Boy's pirate party, there was fake rope rigging, black round balloons everywhere (to be cannon balls), a homemade pirate flag and a Sponge Bob Pirate tablecloth with plastic gold coins scattered everywhere and a few toy pirate ships for verisimilitude. Fairy parties call for sheer gauzy curtains draped around, pastel balloons and streamers and fairy wings for all the guests. Of course, my husband has done a LOT of theater stage design, so this would fall into the "easy for me to talk about" category, wouldn't it.

5) Oh yeah: PICK A THEME. Little girls like fairies, princesses or fairy princesses. Or Dora. Or Dora being a beautiful fairy princess. Little Boys like pirates, Spiderman, Thomas the Tank Engine or Diego. Some little kids might vary from these, but I'd say a good 80% of the 6 and under parties we've been to have been one of those 8 themes (with the important caveat that Dora, Diego and Thomas suddenly cease being fashionable by 5, sadly.). Older kids parties get a bit trickier, but you can handle that when you get there. Family Fun has dozens of birthday party themes, should you want to throw your daughter a party that doesn't involve being a beautiful fairy for some reason... here's a list of our birthday party themes:
The Girl:
3 - Uhhh, wow. I have no memories of her third birthday.
4 - I can't remember. I suspect Princesses because everyone is running around in crowns in the pictures.
5 - Princesses
6 - She didn't have a sixth birthday party because I'd had a baby two weeks before. She had a huge Halloween party that year, though.
7 - Fancy Victorian tea party.
8 - Sleepover with Fairy elements.

The Boy:
3 - Thomas the Tank Engine
4 - Monkeys.
5 - Pirates
6 - Lego!

And that is all of my wisdom on little kid birthday parties. Add to that a few phone numbers and my old locker combination from high school and that is EVERYTHING IN MY HEAD.

I am out of ideas for interesting titles! Also: VOTE FOR ME!

I considered "Do You Like Pancakes?", but who DOESN'T like pancakes? My Kitchen Party post is up with GUESS WHAT RECIPE. You'll never guess. (hint - there's a clue in this post.)

I've been nominated for Best Family Blog at the Canadian Blog Awards, if you want to go vote for me. You can only vote once, so be careful!

Here's The Card!

The grey-haired man is now a blond-haired man, but you get the idea. I like the big Lego cake.

We start throwing birthday parties with kids when the munchkins are old enough to find the idea of having a bunch of friends over PRETTY exciting. The Boy, for example, had three friends and his sole (at the time) sister over to his third birthday party and they had this cake, which I've posted before but I still think is PRETTY astonishing:

Should my husband ever grow weary of his current occupation, he can have a brilliant career in birthday cake design. The three years olds, I can see from the party, played conga line, limbo, and hot potato, ate some cake and then opened presents and loot bags. Then they WENT HOME. I was REALLY, REALLY pregnant in all of the photos, The Baby being only quietly in attendance. And now, three years later, the Boy will be six and The Baby will be demanding cake and ice cream. Things change.

Some things do NOT change, mind you. This afternoon, I took The Boy to get his haircut at his Proper Barber Shop, with the elderly barber - the same one who cut his father's hair as a child, his grandfather's hair, his great-grandfather's hair AND, going back through the mists of time, his great-great grandfather's hair. I sometimes get wistful emails asking if we might consider moving down south (i.e. to southern Ontario, closer to Toronto), and we've thought about it, but it would involve us pulling up some serious roots and we fear might kill the thriving plant - wow, this metaphor is really stretching itself! - of our family. And it would involve moving away from The Boy's barber, who has framed pictures from when he first opened the shop along the wall. If you want to have a Ducktail, do I have the barber for you.

The Boy did NOT get a ducktail, mind. He has a tidy boy haircut now, trimmed closely along the nape of his neck and his ears, making him vulnerable and all huge brown eyes. We split a piece of cake afterwards, warming up for the big event next weekend when he crosses from the land of little kids into grade school territory, this suddenly tall boy and the delight of my heart.

So Many Different Types of Sparrows

Today was peachy, in the sense of "peachy" that implies that I had a migraine and the kids had a snowday and it all came together into a perfect storm of pain (me) and non-stop snacking (kids). We had some plans to go to The City for a day of shopping with Just The Boy - for the first time ever! - but the road conditions are supposed to be awful and so we've had to downgrade our plans. It's the weekend of broken dreams, I tell you.

The Boy has a birthday coming up in a week - he's going to be SIX! SIX YEARS OLD! That's a big kid, almost. We're having a big Lego party for him, with a Lego shaped cake (that my husband will make) and Lego-themed games and Lego invitations (that my husband made today) and then I'll take all the credit. Oh yeah. We needed to go to The City to get Lego-shaped candy at the bulk store and now that we can't, The Boy is fairly certain that his birthday is ruined. Poor bug.

Sorry I've been a bit absent from Blogland recently - it's been a busy/sickly week and I just have not been up to my usual chattiness. Hope everyone is doing well.

Blenders Q. Flowerpots

I just got a spam mail from a Blenders Q Flowerpots, and I quite like it. Should I ever need an alias, I'm using that one. Nice and inconspicuous.

Today was sort of gruelling. The Girl woke up and was all pale and ghastly and O Death Where Is Thy Sting-ing around the living room come time to go to school and I was very much "Good job. Get out." because she is a fraud but then I decided to keep her home and off went The Boy and then The Girl threw up all over the living room floor, which was a fairly dramatic way of saying "How could you doubt me, mother?". By the afternoon, she had fully recovered and cheerfully spent several hours happily baking.

I feel oddly enerverated and boneless which probably means that I need to go get my iron checked again, oh bliss. I'm one of those lucky people who get aenemic very easily and should probably spend all of my time eating beef liver and cream of wheat and other high iron delights. Mmm. Delicious.

The Baby had a much more successful outing this morning - it's hard being small, I think, although this is a stupid sort of sympathy. A long time ago, it was popular to write about how lucky children were, how childhood was some sort of undersized Eden and now you hear people pitying children, as though there's nothing harder than the average overprivileged North American childhood.

My own children, by any accounting, should be endlessly happy - with parents who are neither cruelly strict nor neglectfully lax, raised up in a household devoted nearly solely to their happiness and development with a playroom stuffed full of toys, a school full of friends and teachers who like them, a gentle faith to sustain their inner lives, generally in good health, with enough Stimulating Outings to keep life from being dull and lots of cake and fun at home. I should have very jolly children indeed, and yet they're so very often morose, crabby little cretins.

"I HATE BEING A CHILD!" The Girl screamed last night, furious that she was being denied some longed-for pleasure - denied for VERY good reasons, I might add. She had a rough first day back to school, having to phone me mid-morning to announce that she'd fallen in a puddle and needed a new outfit and then her teacher phoned me one hour later to say that she'd fallen on her face in gym class and needed to go home. Her best friend might be moving, we grounded her, she can't spend all the time she wants playing Webkinz - the list of suffering goes on. And it's easy for me to dismiss this as not quite real suffering, as play-acting, but this is her actual LIFE, and she has no way of keeping it in perspective.

Her suffering is real enough, I guess, but the actual pity that I feel - the thing that gives me a real pang - is how you don't know until childhood is long over how blessed you actually were, with living grandparents who loved you, parents to tuck you in and keep you safe while you slept, candy that tasted better then anything you'd ever eat again and 136 days of holiday a year, days that are remarkable and rare and pass as unnoticed as though you have a lifetime left of them, not knowing that they'll never be back again.

That picture makes my heart hurt.

I took it earlier this afternoon, while we were waiting for some friends to come over. We were all heading over to playgroup, and The Baby was SO excited. And then she got to playgroup and just deteriorated - slapping other kids, screaming at (actual) babies, freaking out because everyone in the world doesn't do exactly what she wants. I kept intervening, counselling her to "use her nice words" and she kept snarling at other children and finally I carried her out, with her wailing that she wanted to stay, please mama.

So now we're home again and she is quiet and sad. Everyone was mean to her, she told her dad on the phone, her voice quavering. Poor Baby - she's our spoiled third child, extra-doted on because of her health problems. She's the tag-along extra child, needing to be extra aggressive to have her voice heard above her siblings. She's a foul-tempered little loudmouth, needing to learn how to be kinder, how to deal with the frustrations of a world where other people so rarely do what you want, and how often things you look forward to turn to dust and ashes.

And what DID I make for dessert last night?

The mystery will be solved at today's Kitchen Party post!

Special Days and Holidays for January and February

For Chelle!
There is something grim about these long Northern winters, something which calls out for holidays - and yet our current culture is rather short on special days, wanting us instead to be machines that shop and work and watch tv, Puritanism stripped of any redemptive religious power. But we are not just shopping machines, and for me, one of the most powerful reminders of that are forgotten holidays, these days that used to truly mean something.

This list is mostly European Christian holidays, with a few silly days thrown in, too, and one Chinese holiday that we like to celebrate. If there are days that you celebrate in January and February, I would love to hear about them - I know that there is a whole world of other holidays out there.

January 5th - The Twelfth Day of Christmas, or Twelfth Night.
This is it - the last day of Christmas JUST LIKE IN THE SONG. Take down your Christmas decorations because to have them up tomorrow is terrible luck. In fact, you should burn your tree today if you can. Bake a cake with a bean or a large coin in the middle and throw a costume party. The person who finds the bean/coin in their piece of cake gets to wear a crown and be the King/Queen of the party and dictate what games everyone plays.
Hot spiced wine/hot apple cider is VERY traditional today.
You can also do all of this tomorrow, like we do.

January 6th - Epiphany/Three Kings Day
Our Magi finish their long trek across the living room on this day and make their way to the still-displayed Nativity scene. And we go to church. If you want to throw your Twelfth Night party on THIS day, you really could. We sing We Three Kings and People Look East, and it's quite lovely.
And it is also, should you not want to celebrate Three Kings Day for one reason or another, Sherlock Holmes' birthday.

January 18th - A.A. Milne's Birthday
This is a fun one if you have little kids - we haul out all of the household teddy bears and spread a picnic blanket on the living room floor, lining the bears up alongside. Then we have a Winnie The Pooh tea party - toast and honey, tea with lots of milk, and Teddy Grahams cookies. We read some Winnie The Pooh stories and maybe watch a movie, if the day seems to scream out for that sort of thing. I've also been known to make up batches of brown and yellow playdough and make little dough bears with the munchkins.

February 1st - St. Brigid's Day
Family Fun Magazine - do you get the feeling that I refer to it A LOT? Oh yes. - printed instructions for making a woven St. Brigid's cross one year, which I can't find on their website. My husband and oldest child, having good fine motor skills, cheerfully made DOZENS of them one year. Anyhow, St. Brigid is associated with ale, butter and cows and so we generally make some spiced beef and drink ale and make the simple bread associated with her day. There are some interesting traditions associated with this day - my oldest child REALLY looks forward to dressing up as St. Brigid and knocking on the front door. She was a brave early Irish Christian and deserves to be remembered every bit as much as St. Patrick.

Febraruy 2nd - Groundhog Day/Candlemas
I was amused to hear from a friend that her children now expect a cake on Groundhog's Day, too. We have long been in the habit of making these cupcakes, which are pretty hilarious.
And it's a Christian holiday as well - the ancient festival of Candlemas, the celebration of the presentation of Christ in the Temple (Luke 2:32). Some families with less twitchy children then mine, I suspect, make candles on this day. We just light some.

February 5th - Shrove Tuesday for 2008.
This is the day before the beginning of Lent, and it's also Pancake Day - the day that people would traditionally make rich treats to get rid of eggs and butter in time for Lent. We make paper Carnival jester hats and have stacks of pancakes for supper, to the children's delight.

February 6th - Ash Wednesday for 2008
Your church might not observe Ash Wednesday, but mine does. This is the first day of Lent, which means that there is 40 days until Easter.

February 7th - Laura Ingalls Wilder's Birthday/Chinese New Year for 2008/Charles Dickens' birthday
I've written before about how AWFUL I think the Little House books are - like the Book of Job, thank you - but perhaps this is a day that's full of evocative magic for your family. Or you can acknowledge Charles Dickens, Who I Have Never Read. (for shame!)
It's also Chinese New Year, which is generally what we acknowledge. We do a simple craft (this last year) and make an easy Chinese dinner.

February 14th - Valentine's Day
We generally spend the Saturday two weeks before Valentine's Day making homemade valentines with the kids, which involves much glitter and doilies. We decorate the house with red and pink streamers and big construction paper hearts after the kids are in bed, and make heart shaped pancakes with strawberry sauce and whipped cream for breakfast, heart-shaped sandwiches for lunch, and heart-shaped pizza for supper. Family Fun magazine has a great list of crafts, recipes and fun ideas, too.

Stupid Winter

I'm not a FAN of winter, or at least of going outside in it. Weather that can kill me? Oh boy! And it's been bitterly cold this week and my house has felt impossible to heat, this big old shivering barn. We have been the Blanket People, wandering around the house wrapped in our ceremonial afghans and living on hot chocolate, which is not helping my fatness situation ONE BIT.

I've had so much fun with my kids over the holidays - I love having the little twerps around. The older two spent the afternoon at my parent's house yesterday and The Baby was extremely happy to have me to herself, so it probably will be a good thing to get back to our regular routine.

Her behaviour has skidded downhill pretty severely over the Christmas season and we've lost the tenative ground we had potty training, which I know must shock you because she looks so EASY to get along with and all. I mean, who would look at that surly little face and think "I bet she throws tantrums that last for HOURS. Oh, and I bet she also likes to spit these days."? But yes, indeed, she does. We're pretty broken-in now as parents, so we don't take it personally anymore, which helps. That first two and a half year old though? Pfffh, that's pretty hard.

Tomorrow is Twelth Night - the last day of Christmas and we're taking down the Christmas tree, which has been helpfully taking itself down over the last couple of days, if the number of needles on the floor are anything to go by. And then Sunday is Three Kings and then Christmas is packed away again until NEXT winter, everything put away in the right order - if you like celebrating obscure holidays, that is. Winter needs cheering, I think, the kind of cheer that only comes with making a cake and getting out the good china.

The Magical World of Sinuses!

Mine are inflamed. Inflamed with the joy of having just watched High School Musical!
Or inflamed with a viral sinus infection. One or the other.

I DID just watch High School Musical with The Girl: gosh, she loved it. My husband and I kept exchanging sarcastic smirky looks over her head, but she was oblivious to our silent snickering, lost in dreams about her future husband, Zac Efron. If she was just a wee, wee bit older, Mama would point something out that's really obvious to Mama about her newfound love, but for now... nah.

I spent much of the movie contrasting real high school and High School Musical high school in my head - real high school was not so chaste (this is an understatement.) and neither was it so clean or brightly lit. A certain hallway - the corridor with the shop class and the media room - had only one lightbulb, seemingly, and was populated almost entirely with huge, leering men, these boys who hit puberty at 10 and then spent the next 6 years working on being creepy. One time a deer came running through a doorway that had been propped open - oh, the days before security clearances in schools! - and got trapped in the hallway near the stairwell, terrified and making frantic runs for safety. The MNR came and got her out but she died of fright on the front lawn, everyone watching from the windows.

Sometimes I have nightmares that I wake up and I'm living back at my parents' house and the bus is hurtling down the road again and I have to go back even though I'm 35 and then I wake up and think oh THANK YOU GOD, because high school is so OVER for me. Watching High School Musical, I realized with a sudden shock that I was close to the age of the parents in the movie, someone who is there to open the door and move the plot along a little bit and then stand on the sidelines, concerned about where this story is going without me.

Sliding

Wait for the snow.

It has to be the right kind of snow -

not fluffy light snow that makes each step sink, but

densely packed, nearly ice.

Find a hill. The steeper the better.

Climb up the hill, pulling your sled behind you.

Get on your sled. Push off

r a c i n g down the hill,

startled cows watching from the barnyard.

Make your dad pull you back up.

Happy New Year!

We celebrated the changing of the New Year with our usual debauch - The Baby went to bed at 7:30 and then the older two kids attempted to stay up until midnight, with The Girl (and her mother) giving in at 11 and The Boy actually staying up until 12:01, the VERY latest he has ever been up.
"I didn't go to bed at all yesterday!" he crowed when he got up this morning. And the only person very tired is me.

We're going out to my parents farm in a few minutes for a yummy New Year's supper AND some sliding, although I plan to watch the sliding from my parents's couch, while reclining with my eyes closed. My mother is roasting a turkey and even making the Baby a little dish of gluten-free stuffing to go with her dinner, which is great. I never worry about taking The Baby over to eat at my parents but we had an experience during the Christmas season that still has me upset. (and the following story did NOT need to stay up forever - thanks for the support!)